Verses That Stalk You

There is a verse that has been following me around lately.

I find that sometimes things get to me, get discouraging, make me feel bitter, disrupt my mood, damage my resolve and sometimes just plain make me feel down. On top of some other ways that God has been working on me, one of them is holding my thoughts “captive.” Here is the verse I'm talking about:

2 Corinthians 10:5  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Has this ever happened to you? I'm sure it has, if you have ever been exposed to the word. I've noticed that occasionally, especially when God is really trying to get something through to me, a verse will kind of just "show up;" in a song, a television show, a service, a book, a conversation, through my devotional, through a bible study or even just through a friend of mine that speaks it to me.

Lately, I think God has been telling me to keep my thoughts captive...to make them more like something He would think. I really like to think of myself as a non-judgmental person, but recently I've realized that maybe I really am, just in a way I hadn't originally thought. Example: when I forget to do something on my days off when I'm to be fundraising, or when I don't do all the things I've wanted to do because I've been distracted by less important things, I feel very down on myself. And not just a little disappointed because I forgot to write a Thank You card...it's much worse than that. I will literally spiral so deeply that  I'll start to feel like maybe I'm not cut out to be a missionary because,  "*So-and-so* wouldn't have forgotten to write that person!"

This is something I should not do. And there is so much negativity in my mind sometimes that I am unable to come away from it until I take a step back and look at the big picture. Recently, my mom mentioned my occasional issues to a woman who runs an intercessory prayer ministry. The woman very wisely said that when praying, she saw images of me standing in a forest directly in front of a very large tree. What a sense of humor God has...he shows people that I literally cannot see the forest for the trees.

When I spend more time in the quiet with God and in prayer, I find that things get much better. Pray with me that this verse wouldn't follow me around anymore. That I would readily embrace it and learn what God is trying to tell me and put it into practice.

Thanks for reading...Love to you all!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

The Financial Side of Things

Hello dearest friends and family!

You will recall my last post enumerating my various epiphanies after a small crisis regarding my call?

Well, folks, things are only going uphill from here! I have received even more pledges of support and one-time gifts. Here is a little visual of my current progress:

Not too shabby, eh?

I wanted to use this post to let you as readers know what the financial side of long-term missions is like. It is much different than what people are used to if they are more familiar with short-term mission trips. For example, if you go on a 10-day mission trip to Kenya, you will most likely raise a flat amount; what you'll need to pay for your flight, your food and lodging and your ministry expenses for the time you are there, but my needs are a little different. The financial side of long-term mission work can be a little confusing, so I'll try and clarify the difference between the two amounts to the best of my abilities (and my own limited understanding). :)

The "Monthly Pledges" are the monies that will support me on a day-to-day basis for an indefinite period of time. Things like rent, groceries, health insurance, ministry expenses and basic living costs will be covered by this. They are pledges because people have made a pledge to give a certain amount every month (or week, or year) as long as they are able. The money is not physically in a bank account, but is contributed by faithful supporters as they send it in.

The "Start-Up Costs" are the monies I will need to get off the ground at the beginning of my journey. If someone donates a one-time gift of $50, for example, it goes into a bank account that will hopefully supply me with things I will need during the initial move. Things like my plane ticket, language courses, deposit on a flat and shipping my essential belongings to Germany.

Additionally, most of my monthly pledge supporters have already begun their giving, and this money is going straight into the bank account. In this way, my current monthly supporters are actually growing my start-up cost budget.

I feel so utterly thankful for where my support level is...and it is such a testament to God's desire for me to go to Germany to serve. If I ever begin to have doubts over my call, all I have to do is look at my support documents to see that even if I don't have faith in myself at the time, others obviously do. Sometimes your friends and family can see the right path for you even if it is difficult for you to see, right? This is exactly like that. And I couldn't be happier right now than to know the faith that my friends and family have in me...it is so much more than money. It is so humbling to see that these people are trusting God to fulfill this call, and for me to follow wherever He leads me...even if it is 5,000 miles away. :)

Love and blessings to you all!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

There's a lot of learning involved.

What a roller coaster this has been...

When I began writing this blog, I made a virtual vow to be real; to be absolutely authentic in my thoughts, emotions, struggles and successes. Sometimes, though, things are just so gosh darn difficult and I feel so downtrodden and doubtful about everything that I don't want to post. "A real missionary and a good missionary would never feel this way, Alison," I think. "Maybe you're not ready for this. You're young in your faith and you can't quote multitudes of scripture...you're probably no good for the team." These thoughts I have (or the thoughts that are from that He Who Must Not Be Named person below), torment me. 

What's interesting about this period of fundraising is how large chunks of support will come in short periods of time; 7% one week, 10% another. But then I will go long periods of time without seeing much (or any) progress at all...sometimes months. Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest. 

Notice what I said there? Read that last sentence very carefully and you will realize what my most recent learned lesson is:

"Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest."

What a revelation. Throughout this entire fundraising experience I have had all the answers. If anyone ever asked me, "Are you raising the support out of your own volition, or are you allowing God to provide your funding at His own timing?" I would have answered without hesitation, "Of course, God is doing all the work." But behind closed doors, I wasn't involving God in the process nearly enough. I had gotten to a point where I wasn't praying about my phone calls and emails anymore. I wasn't praying about reaching my December 31st deadline anymore. I was still praying about meeting new partners, but only every once in awhile. But the strangest part of it all was how diligently I was still continuing to work...still making all the calls, going to all the meetings, sending out all the emails, getting in front of my church and speaking about His call on my life. But God was absent from the work, and when God is absent from the work of a missionary - even just the administrative tasks - you are really forgetting the most important part of the equation. You are putting together the car, but not adding the fuel. Everything works, in theory...but you are not going anywhere fast. 

Once I realized how little I was involving Him and how I instead was relying on my own measly strengths, it all became so clear. All my worries, all my anxieties, all my successes, all my struggles, all the work, letters, meetings, emails were meaningless without His power behind them. And how simple it is to know now that it doesn't matter...all my problems are God's problems, and all the triumphs are His. Not to say that I shouldn't be putting in the work. Absolutely, I should. But ultimately, regardless of my mistakes or even the things I do correctly, God will provide in His timing. He will provide when He thinks I'm ready. Not a minute too soon and never a minute too late. 

And do you know what happened the day I had this epiphany and gave all of it up to Him? I received pledges totaling 5% of my monthly funding goals! :)

Continue praying that God would teach me the things He knows I need to learn before the "Big Move" and that I would complete my support my fundraising goals by the end of this year.

Blessings, thanks and all of my love...

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Dearest Friends, Thanks!

As I said in my last post, a couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to invite friends and family members to a dinner hosted by the executive board of ECMI-USA, the sending section of my organization. I was much more nervous probably than I should have been, but there was something about my "new" family (ECMI) meeting my "old" family (friends and parents) that stressed me out a little. I just so desperately wanted both parties to see in each other what I see in them. I had spoken so much to ECMI about the people in my life and how they had so pushed and molded me in my walk with Jesus, and I had spoken to my friends and family so much about all the new people I had met at the candidate orientation in February and the process of applying to become a missionary. All of a sudden they were all together in the same room...it felt almost like when you become very serious in a relationship and your parents and your significant other's parents meet for the first time. You want everything to go just perfectly and for everyone to mesh and understand each other!

Thankfully, everything I had been fretting about went so smoothly. Everyone seemed to get along and understand each other! Something I did not anticipate, however, was how it would make an impact on me.

Towards the end of the dinner, Ron Anderson, a missionary who has become more and more involved with ECMI since he and his wife Brenda began serving in Spain in the 70s, stood up and suddenly made a large announcement to the entire room. He practically "knighted" my parents and inducted them into the "Order of Missionary Parents." He honored them with kind and encouraging words, and explained how hard this was to be on them and how much credit they deserved for standing behind me and supporting me along the way. In almost the same breath, Ron and a few others honored all the people that had come to this dinner...the ones that are with me every day, serving in an incredible way...my friends (I am including my pastor, Roz in this "friends" category). He told them that they, too, had such an incredible responsibility and burden by being those closest to me. That they are the ones "holding the rope." That this was to be difficult for them as well, but that I would not be able to do it without them.

I had (ashamedly) never thought of things this way. I knew how important it was that I have people supporting me both in prayer and financially, but I had never stopped to think about how my parents and my friends were being affected by this. Of course, I knew that it would be difficult for them to give of their money and of their time in order to pray, but I had never thought about how this would change them and challenge them emotionally. And for this, I am sorry. 

Friends, all of you...no matter whether you are supporting me with your gifts and have known me for years or if you've ever even just read this blog a couple of times, I want to say Thank You. I could never do any of this without your help and support, and even once I've gone away to start my work in Germany, I will still need you by my side. I hope that you can forgive me for not thinking enough about your needs, and I pray that I will be a better servant to you in the future.

Again, I say thanks!

Blessings and love,

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

So many things to tell you, so many I'm Sorry's for not telling you sooner

HELLO, FRIENDS!

It has been such a long time...I sincerely apologize! There have been many happenings and developments and I think the transition into it all has thrown me all out of whack. I hope to resume blogging twice a week post haste.


I think part of my problem is that once I strike a balance, God is all like, "Hey, Alison! Proud of you. Now that you've got this all figured out, I want you to add just a couple more things." Like a good father, He knows how to push His daughter just outside my comfort zone. The good news is, I've learned and grown so much. Multi-tasking is becoming a little easier, my faith in Him is growing deeper and deeper. But, I still have issues. Check this out:

This is not the picture of organization at all. Not even a little.

But, back to business. Here are the wonderful things I have to tell you!

1) I am now at 16% of funding for my monthly pledges and nearly 30% of my start-up budget. This is SO wonderful! The start-up budget seems to be right on track with my December 31st goal date.

2) I have officially gone part-time at work. This has been such a blessing...I am still adjusting to what my new work schedule and priorities should be, but this has really given me the time to concentrate on fundraising. Before the switch, I felt a little overwhelmed when attempting to get so much done on my one day off a week. I could almost never do everything I needed to do, and so fundraising work would start running into my devotional time or my social time, etc. It was difficult to recharge and differentiate what goals needed to be accomplished and when. Now, I feel like I can come up with a schedule that works for me and allows me to spend time not only working hard, but recharging so I can work harder when it's time to work.

3) The executive board for my organization just happened to be having having one of their meetings in Lexington a couple of weeks ago, and I was very thankful to be allowed to invite family and friends to a dinner that they provided. I know it must have been really great for my parents and my close friends to meet the people that they have heard so much about over the past year and a half, because when I met everyone in Pennsylvania this past February, it made everything just seem so much more real. Plus, it's just nice to have faces to put with names.

Things are moving along, slowly but surely! I know that God is working...I can see His movements every day. He is providing for me financially and emotionally through the people that join me on this walk every day. I am praying that He continues to help me along in my path, and that He will continue teaching me the things I most need to learn.

More to come. Very soon!

Blessings and Love,

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

New News from the Crazy Train

GUESS WHAT? Things have really been chugging along around these parts. I am still feeling some major pressure to be moving along more quickly, but I must also keep in mind...this will all happen in accordance with God's timing.

Here is the new news:

I am at 11% in my funding! I rejoice and am humbled in every percentage point that the funding increases, because that is another family or person that has trusted God to provide, and has trusted also in me to be someone worth investing in. Yes, knowing that 89% of my budget still remains is daunting, but in order to stay energized and moving in the right direction, it is important for me to savor every step in the right direction. After almost 18 months since beginning my partnership with ECMI-USA, sometimes I feel like it may never happen, or honestly, just plain tired. But as long as I am moving forward, however slowly or swiftly, I know that I am still on the right path.

Some other big news:

A prayer has been answered. I had said in a recent post that it was starting to become difficult even getting the one day off a week, but I was really not in a position where I could come back on 40 hours a week...I just knew that the more I was working, the longer and more difficult it would be to complete this process. So, when speaking with my boss, I understood that it was time to find a permanent sub for me...someone that could commit to being "me" on the days that I'm off, so the babies and my coworkers have consistency and so I could continue plugging away at fundraising. So this became a daily prayer for me.

Lo and behold, I found someone! A friend of mine, Lara, who had just come back from her student teaching in South Africa was meeting with a friend at a coffee shop to catch up. We got to chatting, and it turns out that this young lady had been praying for a part-time job during the summer. She had been having some trouble finding something since she was only available 2 days a week...well, guess what? She works in another child care facility and was looking to continue her work with kids. JACKPOT!! I got her an interview with my boss, and she is (I'm pretty sure this is official) going to be my permanent sub for Tuesdays and Thursdays! Her prayers AND my prayers were answered! So...

I am very likely going to start working part-time, as in 3 days a week. I am equally excited and terrified about this!

Reasons I am excited:
- I will have one more day a week to focus on support raising, which I hope will prove to move things along more quickly. Really, that is probably the main reason I am excited. I will be more available to people for appointments, have more time for blogging, have more time for composing newsletters, etc.

Reasons I am terrified:
- My finances are already a little stressed from where I moved down from 40 hours to 32 hours, and now I am cutting back to just 24 hours a week. Keeping in mind that I have a car payment, car insurance, cell phone bill and other bills, I am just a teensy-weensy bit nervous that I will be destitute within weeks. I must keep always in mind that God WILL provide.
- I am also relinquishing my full-time employee status, and that means I am losing my health insurance and other benefits. This means I will have to pay for individual health insurance, which anyone knows that this can be quite a chunk of change.

Hopefully, the sacrifices I'm making in pay and benefits will be worth it when I am fundraising much more quickly and efficiently. I hope you will pray with me that the Lord continues to provide for me since my occupational income will be quite low! I also pray that now that I will be committing much more of my time to support raising, that God will also provide the support needed to move into missions full-time. My December 31st deadline is very quickly approaching!

Thanks for reading!
Love to you all and many blessings,
Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Be Thou My Vision

I did something last year that really shocked some people (namely, my parents)...I got a tattoo.

The finished product

A zen-like moment of concentrating on not feeling
like needles were going straight into my bones.

In the process.

A pretty cool shot of the tatt in action.

But it has become something that has meant a lot to me and has also become a daily reminder of why I do what I do and is an encouragement when things get tough. It is also a reminder for me to be the most authentic Christian I can possibly be for one particular reason: you better not be a hypocrite when you have the cross permanently inked onto your body!

I chose to get "Be Thou My Vision" because it is one of my favorite hymns, and a pretty common one, too. I know I definitely had heard of it before I ever entertained the idea of accepting Christ. I also find that different lines of the lyrics speak to me at different times depending on what I'm struggling with at the moment.

Here are the words:

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

naught be all else to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,

I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;

Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;

Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:

Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Thou mine inheritance now and always;

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

I think that right now and for the past few months, the words that have been hitting me the hardest would probably be, "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise" and "thou and thou only first in my heart." I find that I sometimes feel a deep desire for human validation when I should be receiving that from God. What lines speak to you?

I'll leave you with one of my favorite versions of the song, one done by Pedro the Lion, one of my favorite bands.

Thanks for reading!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA                                                                              PO Box 181                                                                   West Unity, OH 43570 

 2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account. 

 3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude

My posts are all maybe a little, teensy-weensy bit too pessimistic.

I am not always a positive person. In fact, I think I'm really too negative and/or hard on myself pretty much all the time. I'm always saying that this is too hard, or I'm too busy, or I can't make it work, or what have you. 

The bottom line is though, no matter what I say to the contrary, I am so joyful and EXCITED about what transition I am in. Sometimes it's hard to keep my eye on the prize, so things will get me down that really shouldn't, but all-in-all I have had one heck of a year and a half. From it all beginning at the missions conference in St. Louis and meeting ECMI, to the application process that nearly drove me completely  insane (I'm serious, I don't think CEO's go through the wringer like we long-term missionaries do!), to the whirlwind, jet-lagged-to-the-point-of-feeling-drunk trip to Rostock in September...this all has been such an experience, and I really wouldn't trade it. I was speaking to a good friend and coworker of mine earlier this week, and while going over my progress I realized that even if for some terrible reason it all fell through and I couldn't make it Germany, I still have learned and changed and grown so much. And not just in that Christian way of growing in my faith, but really maturing and becoming more of an adult. My priorities have all really become more clear and things that used to take up my life but didn't really matter have suddenly become just that: things that don't matter. If I woke up one day and suddenly Germany wasn't in the cards, I would be ok. 

But no worries! There are certainly no plans for me to veer off course. In fact, I received some lovely news this week! I have 2 new monthly supporters. I could not be more thrilled. Sometimes, when living this tough life gets me down and starts to feel like too much, I pray that God would give me a sign to tell me that I am on the right path and that He's still there. And lo and behold, I got the most lovely email from one of my favorite ECMI-USA folks, one of our board members and volunteers, Rebekah, explaining that I have new donors to add to the list! I am so, so grateful for those people and their willingness to hop on board with this crazy journey of mine. They are so awesome, in fact, that they joined my team virtually no questions asked. I give thanks to God for that sign from Him and for those faithful brothers and sisters who are trusting me to follow God's leadings.

A big prayer request I have for the moment is one that is definitely becoming more and more important as the days move closer and closer to my December 31st deadline. Lately, I've realized that I'm coming upon a point in my fundraising and other preparations where it is necessary to devote a greater and greater amount of my time and energy on these transitions. Unfortunately, it is and has been very difficult for the school where I work to be able to give me the flexibility I'm beginning to need. I am very, very understanding of this...we work with children, and if there is anything a child needs most, it is stability and trust in their caretakers. I am seeing now that it may be time to relinquish my position as a lead teacher or to possibly become a substitute, where I will have more say over the hours that I work. The issue with being a substitute, though, is that I will never be guaranteed to have the hours I will need to keep in order to continue receiving health insurance benefits. So, dear friends, if you wouldn't mind adding me to your list of prayers, it would great if you could pray for clarity in this situation and for God to continue to provide for me in accordance with His will and His timing. That whatever it may be, if it is His will for me to move on from this job, become a substitute, or continue on with the status quo, that He would open and close doors as necessary. I know that He is moving me in the right direction due to the way He has provided so far, and I know He will continue to. Praise God!

Thanks for reading and keeping me in your thoughts. :)

Blessings, 

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Praying and Praying and Giving it all to Him

I've heard many times over that I will be spiritually attacked, especially when I am on the brink of something big, when I pose the greatest risk to Satan. I think I must be under attack right now, because lately, I've been struggling A LOT with negative emotions and feeling bitterness and jealousy and other really unsavory things towards the people I'm supposed to be closest to. There are so many extraneous circumstances that it's hard to put my finger on just one issue that has thrown me into this tailspin. It's been so hard lately, that I couldn't even update this blog until I got it under control. Yes, I promised to be realistic about where I am, but gosh! I just couldn't believe how negative I had gotten and I couldn't bear to come on here and be the ultimate "Debbie Downer."


A couple of days ago, I had one of those "duh" moments...a moment when you realize that you have been doing something that you knew already that you weren't supposed to do. Here are some of them:


1) I am worrying way too much, trying to be in control way too much, and relying on myself and other imperfect humans way too much.


2) I have too many expectations. When I first started support raising or "partnership development," I went into it with the right intentions...that I wouldn't put any expectations on people. I had heard over and over again that people who you would never anticipate supporting you would support you, and people that you thought would absolutely support you wouldn't. And I have realized now that, even though I told myself not to expect anything but the unexpected, I find that I am still human, and I expected things from people.


3) I have placed far too much attention on getting my financial support raised and not enough on getting my prayer support needs met. Getting emotional, moral and prayer needs met during this transitional period and during the missional period is just as important, if not more important than the financial things.


SO, I have vowed now to do these things:

Give all my worries, emotions and praises to the only one who knows how to help. GOD.

Everyday, work on removing ALL my expectations regarding this process. 

Pray that God would give me a team of prayer supporters.

Thank you to those of you who are praying for me and supporting me! 

Thanks for keeping up with me. Blessings to you all!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Current Thoughts and New Dreams

How has the weather been where you guys are? I've been keeping a check on Munich and Rostock, and I'm tellin' ya, they've got quite a bit more pleasantness than us. But it certainly has been an interesting spring. I've been praying for no more basement flooding, but lately it seems we have more to worry about than just a little standing water. Check out this video I took of an incoming storm yesterday:

Not just a little scary, eh? Recently, we've been absolutely inundated with tornado warnings, sirens and just all kinds of craziness. Pray that we don't all fly away!

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday (when not otherwise engaged) is to watch public television programs like Burt Wolf's Travels and Rick Steve's Europe. Yesterday, while enjoying a lovely cup of coffee, I tuned in and had my eyes opened to the world of pilgrimage. It's not that I had never heard of taking pilgrimages, but just that I had never really entertained the idea of taking one myself. The episode that aired featured the highlights on the Camino de Santiago, which begins in France, crosses the Pyrennes then travels through Spain, eventually culminating in the Santiago de Compostela, where they believe the apostle James is buried. Here are a couple sites I found that I felt were particularly informative: Camino de Santiago and El Camino de Santiago.

I am FASCINATED by this. This particular route takes 5 weeks, conservatively. But what a wonderful 5 weeks it would be! On the show, they spoke to a few different people about why they had chosen to take so much time to do this (the total distance is around 500 miles ON FOOT), and surprisingly, many of the people were not Catholic or even Christian...they just recognized the spirituality of walking in silence, surrounded by beauty and reaching a specific and workable goal. I thought that this was just wonderful. And what a way to be introduced to the Gospel! I would absolutely love to do this. Where I would find 5 weeks of free time and the money, I'm not sure. There is an ECMI conference in Spain in 2012...perhaps I could do it after that? Hmmm...

Have any of you done a pilgrimage? I would LOVE to hear about your experience!

As for my support raising, things are moving, slowly but surely. I think I average about 1 or 2 new supporters a week, which is such a blessing! Of course, I would like things to move more quickly than that, but I know that God will move things in his own timing and that while I am still here, he is preparing me in other ways. It certainly takes much more than support to make a missionary, and I am learning something new about myself, my faith, God and His kingdom every day.

P.S. -- Prayer really works. Try it and see. 

Thanks for keeping up with me, my friends!

Love and Blessings,

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

What I'm Working On

Warning: I'll be talking about my daily life, and it might get a little tedious. BUT, I did say in the beginning that I wanted to document this journey as genuinely and truthfully as possible...and right now, this is where I'm at. And above all, I want you to know me and this path as truthfully as you can.

I've never been a busy person.

During childhood, I never was involved in sports or other activities. In high school, I was in the band, and so marching band was a large part of my life, but it was my only extra-curricular aside from a few "clubs" or "committees" that were mostly for the benefit of college admissions. In college, I worked and went to school. Aside from other social activities, that was about it. I was always a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of girl, and I basked in it. I was spontaneous and carefree. Suddenly, ever since the beginning of the missions process, I have become absolutely inundated with tasks and meetings and activities and you name it. I also felt a strong heaviness in my heart, I believe a God-given heaviness, to take control of my life.

Simply said, it became time for me to grow up.

Two interesting things have happened in regards to this:

1) I am suddenly feeling more fulfilled with my life than I have in, well, maybe forever. I never thought that busy was what I needed. But as it turns out, having not just one, but several purposes and goals for my life have brought upon a new desire to accomplish it all.

2) I am suddenly learning a lot about myself... how hard I can push, how much I can fit in, how much my body can handle, how much I dream, how much is possible AND more importantly, how much I need to grow in order to live life to the fullest capacity that I want.

So here is my current task...and any of you organized self-motivators who know how to do this, please chime in with any suggestions you might have...I am currently in a state of overhaul, trying to learn, basically from scratch, how to make it all happen (and if this is even possible).

Here, in no particular order, are my goals, dreams, things that are important to me, things I have to do and things I want to get better at:

• Be a better employee and a better coworker. This includes, but is not limited to, being respectful of other people's time by being punctual.
• Come up with a system for support partnership development. Spread sheets, designated phone call times, at least two meetings a week with potential partners. I need to be making this a top priority, and it should be organized like one.
• Cook more. This is something I love to do...it absolutely recharges me and relaxes me. Not to mention that on top of that it is much healthier and much less expensive!
• Focus on my artistic side. This includes making jewelry and raising my new Etsy store to a respectable level, writing and photographing more creatively for this here blog and even being more creative regarding my personal sense of style...not in a materialistic way, but in a way that makes me feel confident and individual.
• Clean up. I know that I will be more productive, more relaxed and clearer of mind if I learn to be a cleaner, more organized person on a daily basis. (Hopefully the Great Flood of 2011 will aid in my motivation.)
• Get financially under control. I am not thousands in debt or anything...don't worry! But I need to have a better system of bill paying, budget following and savings building.
• Get moving. I'm not getting any younger and my metabolism isn't getting any faster. Now, I don't have a weight problem, nor am I struggling with any health issues, but I do feel like developing good habits of exercise and health are important. Especially while I'm still young...do it now, and I'll be more likely to follow it in the future.
• Be a better family member and a better friend. I do not ever want to allow my personal endeavors or desires to overshadow what is important and necessary in my relationships with other people. I'm not really growing if I leave everyone else in the dust.
• Grow a better relationship with Jesus, a better foundation in Him. Everything I've said above is moot if I don't put my relationship with God first and center. Period.

I realize that this post is highly logistical and highly boring...I didn't find Jesus on a potato chip today, and I haven't come to any crazy epiphanies regarding my faith. I wish I could give an award-winning post every single day. Wouldn't that would be wonderful? But, life is a marathon, and sometimes periods of growth and change come slowly and in the most generic of ways. Like, for example, getting a perpetually-late-forgetful-billpaying-lazy gal to get life in line. If God can give me the strength to make all the changes needed to do all the things listed above, it will truly be a miracle.

Would you pray for me that this miracle would come?

With love,

Alison

An Update (Better Late Than Never!)

Good afternoon, my friends!

Things have been crazy around these parts. With the coming of Spring, there comes great change. Lately, social season (as we Southerners like to call it) has begun in the Bluegrass. Everyone is abuzz with excitement over the Keeneland spring meet, hiking and climbing trips to the Red River Gorge, and just a general desire to meet up and spend time together. We're officially coming out of hibernation around here, and I couldn't be happier about the end of a long winter. Last Saturday, I enjoyed a wonderful day at the track with my friends, and I look forward to many more Saturday's like that to come. Below is a picture of Thursday's activity,  our minor league baseball team's opening game.

One of the greatest Lexington spring activities:
Lexington Legends Opening Day

Unfortunately, with spring comes a general increase in rainfall. When paired with an older house and my living in that older house's basement (I call it the basement bungalow), things can get a little wet. I came home on my lunch break yesterday afternoon to find that all of my belongings that were currently living on the floor were enjoying a little swimming party. I would post a picture, but frankly, I am embarrassed to have left so many items of clothing on the floor. Shame on me for dropping the ball cleaning wise. Perhaps this will teach me to not be a "messy" anymore. Sadly, my day will likely be punctuated with frequent trips to the washing machine carrying very heavy, very wet fabrics. If there ever was a dislike button to punch, I would do it. Now.

In other news, I have decided to start a little garden in our backyard. Since I have cut back my hours to focus more on support development and getting ready for Germany, I have been feeling a little bit more of a financial strain than usual. I am not complaining in the least, as it has been extremely beneficial to have more flexibility during the week, but money is a little tighter. As we all know, produce these days has been getting pretty ridiculous price-wise. As I am also getting no lighter weight-wise, and refuse to begin survival on ramen noodles and instant macaroni and cheese, I am beginning a little veggie garden.

My Prospectin' Pete Pickaxe

The current level of my progress.

Silly me. I thought, "How hard could it be?" Three days later, I have an almost turned over patch of dirt and weeds, plus a sore back and burning hamstrings. I'm no good with a shovel and had to go Prospector Pete on that beast. If anyone saw me, I apologize. I probably looked ridiculous. The good news is, I have several little seedlings that have germinated in the seed starter and I'm ready to get planting. The bad news, I seem to have taken on a large, time consuming job that may not be worth in the end. Cost efficient, yes. Worth the amount of time I will need to devote to it? Time will tell.

My aggressive little seedlings. The trees right there are cucumbers.

Lately, I've been feeling a little discouraged by my process with support raising. I always knew it would be hard. And it has been. The whole of becoming a missionary has been dotted with anxiety, elation, fear, disappointment, encouragement, fun, fulfillment and a bevy of other words. For the last few weeks, I would say that discouragement currently fits the bill. I have had a lot of people offer to support me lately, and it always puts a smile on my face when someone shows interest in this ministry! The problem is, a lot of people don't come through. I am never upset or angry about this, as I understand that life gets in the way and things happen. As I said, I am currently parting flood waters in my basement...but I don't always know how to handle this situation. Do I bother people that have offered their support with phone calls and texts asking whether or not they've filled out their pledge cards? Do I accost them in social situations by cornering them with a smile and asking if they still feel a call from God to invest (these are clearly sarcastic options)? I am very scared to permanently damage my friendships or to turn people off from the Church by asking too fervently. Any missionaries out there with answers? I am open to them.

But just as often as I have been discouraged, I have also received encouragement from God to stay faithful. I did my devotional a couple of days ago, and here is what was on the agenda:

"When Trusting God is a Handful" 

I mean, how often do you feel this way? I know that lately this is a bigger struggle than I'd like it to be.

It is hard not to continue to be amazed by what I like to call "the tapestry He weaves." This particular devotional went on to bring 1 Kings 17:7-16, which speaks about Elijah's faithfulness in God's promise to provide. God told Elijah to hide out near a brook where he could drink and the ravens would bring him his meals. When the brook dried up, God told him to go to a village called Zarephath and that a widow had been instructed by God to feed him. Not surprisingly, the woman was shocked by Elijah's asking for her last handful of flour, and was a bit hesitant to believe that God would provide for her family. But Elijah, in his seemingly unending faithfulness, simply said that the jar of flour and the bottle of oil would not run out because God had said that it wouldn't. That's it! Elijah believed so firmly that God would provide and fulfill His promises that he told a woman to give out the last of her flour...the only thing standing between the starvation of her and her son. He risked their lives AND his purely on his steadfast belief in God's provision. 

Now I just need to do the same.

Alison

Things I Must Sacrifice

A quick jaunt to Amsterdam...a great memory.

Ultimately, I romanticize this life I'm trying to make a reality. It's just going to happen...just like any relationship, as time goes by, you start to think about only the good things, and you forget about the not-so-good things.

I fell in love with Germany when I lived there as an au pair. Everything about it was so different than what I was used to, but it still felt so wonderful. I didn't always feel like I really belonged in Lexington, or that I was satisfied to stay there and so I picked up and left...in that spontaneous haughtiness that one can only achieve (and justify) when one is 20 years old. I lived in Munich during a wonderful time. It was 2006...the World Cup was hosted by Germany that year, and the Summer was full of sunny days spent at the biergartens and Englischer Garten, followed by nights at fantastic bars and dance clubs with even better music. I ate German food, drank German beer, dressed up in my dirndl and enjoyed the world famous Oktoberfest. When Winter came, I feared that all the fun would stop and everyone would huddle down to hibernate...but this was never the case. We perused the Christmas markets with a hot cup of spiced wine and ice skated in Karlsplatz. The action never stopped, and when I think back on my time, these are my fondest and most vivid memories.

At the biergarten, wearing my dirndl for the
first time. June 2006

Cheering on Germany during the World Cup.
June 2006

picture credit: edwardkinsella.com

It's easy to forget the times when I cried on the phone to parents and friends, telling them that I wanted nothing more than to go home...that it was all too hard. The cultural adjustments, the language adjustments, the fact that everyone I knew was either a very new friend or a very distant acquaintance, and so many other hardships. I spent time in a hostel room in Prague tearfully explaining to one of these very new friends everything that was going wrong and why I couldn't bear to continue on anymore. I missed my dog, my cockatoo, my closest and dearest friends who knew me so intimately...I even missed silly things like a real shower/tub combination. I mean, how do you think one takes an effective shower in a contraption like this?

So, it has become important to me, even now, to be superbly intentional about appreciating my life here in Lexington and saying a true and heartfelt goodbye to the things and people I will be postponing or giving up all together. When I left home for my last adventure, I was in every hurry and could not have cared less to abandon everything and start fresh...this time, I know I need to be realistic...to anticipate in advance what I will be feeling, what I will be missing, and what will never come to be now that I have chosen this particular path in life.

Here is a photo series of these sacrifices. Some are trifling, but others are life-altering.

photo cred: qdoba.com

Oh, Qdoba. Dear, sweet, baby qdoba. I will miss your Fajita Ranchera Chicken burrito, your queso and your delicious habanero salsa and all the wonderful times we've had together.

photo cred: marinebiology.com

I will have to put to rest, probably forever, all hopes of ever becoming a marine biologist. It's a dream I've had ever since watching episodes of PBS's "Nature" as a little girl, curled up with my Dad on the couch. I will probably never have the time or opportunity to return to school and finish an education as extensive as what is required for successful scientists.

photo cred: craigrom.com

Taking long, winding drives on the back roads of the thoroughbred farms that surround Lexington. Rolling the windows down at the very beginning of Spring, playing my current favorite music and just celebrating that Winter is finally over. It's a yearly tradition.

photo cred: oldhousedreams.com

I'm going to have to put to rest all the dreams I've had of owning a Victorian home in downtown Lexington. I have always said, "If I have to live in Lexington, I will buy and restore an historic home." Kind of along with this relatively minor dream, I am also having to sort of grieve the idea of raising a family here...of getting married and having children surrounded by this community. I can't know when exactly I'm coming home, and I may stay away until old age. I have to begin saying goodbye to my community now, and start making myself aware of the fact that 20 years from now, the people I'm close to may not be a part of my life at all. I'm not just going on a mission "trip"...I'm turning my life upside down and starting from scratch.

All this being said, I still know that I'm making the right decision. I know that this life, this dream that I'm choosing is the right one for me. When I became a Christian, I turned away from my old life, and so I had to leave some dreams by the wayside in order to leave the way open for the dreams that Christ has for me. This is such a joyful time, knowing that God is blessing me with this enormous opportunity, but I want also to never run into it with a blind optimism. A change this big must come with some time to grieve what will be lost.

Thanks for reading!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                      PO Box 181
                                                             West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org