There's a lot of learning involved.

What a roller coaster this has been...

When I began writing this blog, I made a virtual vow to be real; to be absolutely authentic in my thoughts, emotions, struggles and successes. Sometimes, though, things are just so gosh darn difficult and I feel so downtrodden and doubtful about everything that I don't want to post. "A real missionary and a good missionary would never feel this way, Alison," I think. "Maybe you're not ready for this. You're young in your faith and you can't quote multitudes of scripture...you're probably no good for the team." These thoughts I have (or the thoughts that are from that He Who Must Not Be Named person below), torment me. 

What's interesting about this period of fundraising is how large chunks of support will come in short periods of time; 7% one week, 10% another. But then I will go long periods of time without seeing much (or any) progress at all...sometimes months. Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest. 

Notice what I said there? Read that last sentence very carefully and you will realize what my most recent learned lesson is:

"Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest."

What a revelation. Throughout this entire fundraising experience I have had all the answers. If anyone ever asked me, "Are you raising the support out of your own volition, or are you allowing God to provide your funding at His own timing?" I would have answered without hesitation, "Of course, God is doing all the work." But behind closed doors, I wasn't involving God in the process nearly enough. I had gotten to a point where I wasn't praying about my phone calls and emails anymore. I wasn't praying about reaching my December 31st deadline anymore. I was still praying about meeting new partners, but only every once in awhile. But the strangest part of it all was how diligently I was still continuing to work...still making all the calls, going to all the meetings, sending out all the emails, getting in front of my church and speaking about His call on my life. But God was absent from the work, and when God is absent from the work of a missionary - even just the administrative tasks - you are really forgetting the most important part of the equation. You are putting together the car, but not adding the fuel. Everything works, in theory...but you are not going anywhere fast. 

Once I realized how little I was involving Him and how I instead was relying on my own measly strengths, it all became so clear. All my worries, all my anxieties, all my successes, all my struggles, all the work, letters, meetings, emails were meaningless without His power behind them. And how simple it is to know now that it doesn't matter...all my problems are God's problems, and all the triumphs are His. Not to say that I shouldn't be putting in the work. Absolutely, I should. But ultimately, regardless of my mistakes or even the things I do correctly, God will provide in His timing. He will provide when He thinks I'm ready. Not a minute too soon and never a minute too late. 

And do you know what happened the day I had this epiphany and gave all of it up to Him? I received pledges totaling 5% of my monthly funding goals! :)

Continue praying that God would teach me the things He knows I need to learn before the "Big Move" and that I would complete my support my fundraising goals by the end of this year.

Blessings, thanks and all of my love...

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org