Verses That Stalk You

There is a verse that has been following me around lately.

I find that sometimes things get to me, get discouraging, make me feel bitter, disrupt my mood, damage my resolve and sometimes just plain make me feel down. On top of some other ways that God has been working on me, one of them is holding my thoughts “captive.” Here is the verse I'm talking about:

2 Corinthians 10:5  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Has this ever happened to you? I'm sure it has, if you have ever been exposed to the word. I've noticed that occasionally, especially when God is really trying to get something through to me, a verse will kind of just "show up;" in a song, a television show, a service, a book, a conversation, through my devotional, through a bible study or even just through a friend of mine that speaks it to me.

Lately, I think God has been telling me to keep my thoughts captive...to make them more like something He would think. I really like to think of myself as a non-judgmental person, but recently I've realized that maybe I really am, just in a way I hadn't originally thought. Example: when I forget to do something on my days off when I'm to be fundraising, or when I don't do all the things I've wanted to do because I've been distracted by less important things, I feel very down on myself. And not just a little disappointed because I forgot to write a Thank You card...it's much worse than that. I will literally spiral so deeply that  I'll start to feel like maybe I'm not cut out to be a missionary because,  "*So-and-so* wouldn't have forgotten to write that person!"

This is something I should not do. And there is so much negativity in my mind sometimes that I am unable to come away from it until I take a step back and look at the big picture. Recently, my mom mentioned my occasional issues to a woman who runs an intercessory prayer ministry. The woman very wisely said that when praying, she saw images of me standing in a forest directly in front of a very large tree. What a sense of humor God has...he shows people that I literally cannot see the forest for the trees.

When I spend more time in the quiet with God and in prayer, I find that things get much better. Pray with me that this verse wouldn't follow me around anymore. That I would readily embrace it and learn what God is trying to tell me and put it into practice.

Thanks for reading...Love to you all!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

The Financial Side of Things

Hello dearest friends and family!

You will recall my last post enumerating my various epiphanies after a small crisis regarding my call?

Well, folks, things are only going uphill from here! I have received even more pledges of support and one-time gifts. Here is a little visual of my current progress:

Not too shabby, eh?

I wanted to use this post to let you as readers know what the financial side of long-term missions is like. It is much different than what people are used to if they are more familiar with short-term mission trips. For example, if you go on a 10-day mission trip to Kenya, you will most likely raise a flat amount; what you'll need to pay for your flight, your food and lodging and your ministry expenses for the time you are there, but my needs are a little different. The financial side of long-term mission work can be a little confusing, so I'll try and clarify the difference between the two amounts to the best of my abilities (and my own limited understanding). :)

The "Monthly Pledges" are the monies that will support me on a day-to-day basis for an indefinite period of time. Things like rent, groceries, health insurance, ministry expenses and basic living costs will be covered by this. They are pledges because people have made a pledge to give a certain amount every month (or week, or year) as long as they are able. The money is not physically in a bank account, but is contributed by faithful supporters as they send it in.

The "Start-Up Costs" are the monies I will need to get off the ground at the beginning of my journey. If someone donates a one-time gift of $50, for example, it goes into a bank account that will hopefully supply me with things I will need during the initial move. Things like my plane ticket, language courses, deposit on a flat and shipping my essential belongings to Germany.

Additionally, most of my monthly pledge supporters have already begun their giving, and this money is going straight into the bank account. In this way, my current monthly supporters are actually growing my start-up cost budget.

I feel so utterly thankful for where my support level is...and it is such a testament to God's desire for me to go to Germany to serve. If I ever begin to have doubts over my call, all I have to do is look at my support documents to see that even if I don't have faith in myself at the time, others obviously do. Sometimes your friends and family can see the right path for you even if it is difficult for you to see, right? This is exactly like that. And I couldn't be happier right now than to know the faith that my friends and family have in me...it is so much more than money. It is so humbling to see that these people are trusting God to fulfill this call, and for me to follow wherever He leads me...even if it is 5,000 miles away. :)

Love and blessings to you all!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

There's a lot of learning involved.

What a roller coaster this has been...

When I began writing this blog, I made a virtual vow to be real; to be absolutely authentic in my thoughts, emotions, struggles and successes. Sometimes, though, things are just so gosh darn difficult and I feel so downtrodden and doubtful about everything that I don't want to post. "A real missionary and a good missionary would never feel this way, Alison," I think. "Maybe you're not ready for this. You're young in your faith and you can't quote multitudes of scripture...you're probably no good for the team." These thoughts I have (or the thoughts that are from that He Who Must Not Be Named person below), torment me. 

What's interesting about this period of fundraising is how large chunks of support will come in short periods of time; 7% one week, 10% another. But then I will go long periods of time without seeing much (or any) progress at all...sometimes months. Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest. 

Notice what I said there? Read that last sentence very carefully and you will realize what my most recent learned lesson is:

"Those are the times when I feel most worried and anxious, and ironically, those are also the times when I feel like I am doing the most and working hardest."

What a revelation. Throughout this entire fundraising experience I have had all the answers. If anyone ever asked me, "Are you raising the support out of your own volition, or are you allowing God to provide your funding at His own timing?" I would have answered without hesitation, "Of course, God is doing all the work." But behind closed doors, I wasn't involving God in the process nearly enough. I had gotten to a point where I wasn't praying about my phone calls and emails anymore. I wasn't praying about reaching my December 31st deadline anymore. I was still praying about meeting new partners, but only every once in awhile. But the strangest part of it all was how diligently I was still continuing to work...still making all the calls, going to all the meetings, sending out all the emails, getting in front of my church and speaking about His call on my life. But God was absent from the work, and when God is absent from the work of a missionary - even just the administrative tasks - you are really forgetting the most important part of the equation. You are putting together the car, but not adding the fuel. Everything works, in theory...but you are not going anywhere fast. 

Once I realized how little I was involving Him and how I instead was relying on my own measly strengths, it all became so clear. All my worries, all my anxieties, all my successes, all my struggles, all the work, letters, meetings, emails were meaningless without His power behind them. And how simple it is to know now that it doesn't matter...all my problems are God's problems, and all the triumphs are His. Not to say that I shouldn't be putting in the work. Absolutely, I should. But ultimately, regardless of my mistakes or even the things I do correctly, God will provide in His timing. He will provide when He thinks I'm ready. Not a minute too soon and never a minute too late. 

And do you know what happened the day I had this epiphany and gave all of it up to Him? I received pledges totaling 5% of my monthly funding goals! :)

Continue praying that God would teach me the things He knows I need to learn before the "Big Move" and that I would complete my support my fundraising goals by the end of this year.

Blessings, thanks and all of my love...

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Dearest Friends, Thanks!

As I said in my last post, a couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to invite friends and family members to a dinner hosted by the executive board of ECMI-USA, the sending section of my organization. I was much more nervous probably than I should have been, but there was something about my "new" family (ECMI) meeting my "old" family (friends and parents) that stressed me out a little. I just so desperately wanted both parties to see in each other what I see in them. I had spoken so much to ECMI about the people in my life and how they had so pushed and molded me in my walk with Jesus, and I had spoken to my friends and family so much about all the new people I had met at the candidate orientation in February and the process of applying to become a missionary. All of a sudden they were all together in the same room...it felt almost like when you become very serious in a relationship and your parents and your significant other's parents meet for the first time. You want everything to go just perfectly and for everyone to mesh and understand each other!

Thankfully, everything I had been fretting about went so smoothly. Everyone seemed to get along and understand each other! Something I did not anticipate, however, was how it would make an impact on me.

Towards the end of the dinner, Ron Anderson, a missionary who has become more and more involved with ECMI since he and his wife Brenda began serving in Spain in the 70s, stood up and suddenly made a large announcement to the entire room. He practically "knighted" my parents and inducted them into the "Order of Missionary Parents." He honored them with kind and encouraging words, and explained how hard this was to be on them and how much credit they deserved for standing behind me and supporting me along the way. In almost the same breath, Ron and a few others honored all the people that had come to this dinner...the ones that are with me every day, serving in an incredible way...my friends (I am including my pastor, Roz in this "friends" category). He told them that they, too, had such an incredible responsibility and burden by being those closest to me. That they are the ones "holding the rope." That this was to be difficult for them as well, but that I would not be able to do it without them.

I had (ashamedly) never thought of things this way. I knew how important it was that I have people supporting me both in prayer and financially, but I had never stopped to think about how my parents and my friends were being affected by this. Of course, I knew that it would be difficult for them to give of their money and of their time in order to pray, but I had never thought about how this would change them and challenge them emotionally. And for this, I am sorry. 

Friends, all of you...no matter whether you are supporting me with your gifts and have known me for years or if you've ever even just read this blog a couple of times, I want to say Thank You. I could never do any of this without your help and support, and even once I've gone away to start my work in Germany, I will still need you by my side. I hope that you can forgive me for not thinking enough about your needs, and I pray that I will be a better servant to you in the future.

Again, I say thanks!

Blessings and love,

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

So many things to tell you, so many I'm Sorry's for not telling you sooner

HELLO, FRIENDS!

It has been such a long time...I sincerely apologize! There have been many happenings and developments and I think the transition into it all has thrown me all out of whack. I hope to resume blogging twice a week post haste.


I think part of my problem is that once I strike a balance, God is all like, "Hey, Alison! Proud of you. Now that you've got this all figured out, I want you to add just a couple more things." Like a good father, He knows how to push His daughter just outside my comfort zone. The good news is, I've learned and grown so much. Multi-tasking is becoming a little easier, my faith in Him is growing deeper and deeper. But, I still have issues. Check this out:

This is not the picture of organization at all. Not even a little.

But, back to business. Here are the wonderful things I have to tell you!

1) I am now at 16% of funding for my monthly pledges and nearly 30% of my start-up budget. This is SO wonderful! The start-up budget seems to be right on track with my December 31st goal date.

2) I have officially gone part-time at work. This has been such a blessing...I am still adjusting to what my new work schedule and priorities should be, but this has really given me the time to concentrate on fundraising. Before the switch, I felt a little overwhelmed when attempting to get so much done on my one day off a week. I could almost never do everything I needed to do, and so fundraising work would start running into my devotional time or my social time, etc. It was difficult to recharge and differentiate what goals needed to be accomplished and when. Now, I feel like I can come up with a schedule that works for me and allows me to spend time not only working hard, but recharging so I can work harder when it's time to work.

3) The executive board for my organization just happened to be having having one of their meetings in Lexington a couple of weeks ago, and I was very thankful to be allowed to invite family and friends to a dinner that they provided. I know it must have been really great for my parents and my close friends to meet the people that they have heard so much about over the past year and a half, because when I met everyone in Pennsylvania this past February, it made everything just seem so much more real. Plus, it's just nice to have faces to put with names.

Things are moving along, slowly but surely! I know that God is working...I can see His movements every day. He is providing for me financially and emotionally through the people that join me on this walk every day. I am praying that He continues to help me along in my path, and that He will continue teaching me the things I most need to learn.

More to come. Very soon!

Blessings and Love,

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle, on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

New News from the Crazy Train

GUESS WHAT? Things have really been chugging along around these parts. I am still feeling some major pressure to be moving along more quickly, but I must also keep in mind...this will all happen in accordance with God's timing.

Here is the new news:

I am at 11% in my funding! I rejoice and am humbled in every percentage point that the funding increases, because that is another family or person that has trusted God to provide, and has trusted also in me to be someone worth investing in. Yes, knowing that 89% of my budget still remains is daunting, but in order to stay energized and moving in the right direction, it is important for me to savor every step in the right direction. After almost 18 months since beginning my partnership with ECMI-USA, sometimes I feel like it may never happen, or honestly, just plain tired. But as long as I am moving forward, however slowly or swiftly, I know that I am still on the right path.

Some other big news:

A prayer has been answered. I had said in a recent post that it was starting to become difficult even getting the one day off a week, but I was really not in a position where I could come back on 40 hours a week...I just knew that the more I was working, the longer and more difficult it would be to complete this process. So, when speaking with my boss, I understood that it was time to find a permanent sub for me...someone that could commit to being "me" on the days that I'm off, so the babies and my coworkers have consistency and so I could continue plugging away at fundraising. So this became a daily prayer for me.

Lo and behold, I found someone! A friend of mine, Lara, who had just come back from her student teaching in South Africa was meeting with a friend at a coffee shop to catch up. We got to chatting, and it turns out that this young lady had been praying for a part-time job during the summer. She had been having some trouble finding something since she was only available 2 days a week...well, guess what? She works in another child care facility and was looking to continue her work with kids. JACKPOT!! I got her an interview with my boss, and she is (I'm pretty sure this is official) going to be my permanent sub for Tuesdays and Thursdays! Her prayers AND my prayers were answered! So...

I am very likely going to start working part-time, as in 3 days a week. I am equally excited and terrified about this!

Reasons I am excited:
- I will have one more day a week to focus on support raising, which I hope will prove to move things along more quickly. Really, that is probably the main reason I am excited. I will be more available to people for appointments, have more time for blogging, have more time for composing newsletters, etc.

Reasons I am terrified:
- My finances are already a little stressed from where I moved down from 40 hours to 32 hours, and now I am cutting back to just 24 hours a week. Keeping in mind that I have a car payment, car insurance, cell phone bill and other bills, I am just a teensy-weensy bit nervous that I will be destitute within weeks. I must keep always in mind that God WILL provide.
- I am also relinquishing my full-time employee status, and that means I am losing my health insurance and other benefits. This means I will have to pay for individual health insurance, which anyone knows that this can be quite a chunk of change.

Hopefully, the sacrifices I'm making in pay and benefits will be worth it when I am fundraising much more quickly and efficiently. I hope you will pray with me that the Lord continues to provide for me since my occupational income will be quite low! I also pray that now that I will be committing much more of my time to support raising, that God will also provide the support needed to move into missions full-time. My December 31st deadline is very quickly approaching!

Thanks for reading!
Love to you all and many blessings,
Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA
                                                                             PO Box 181
                                                                  West Unity, OH 43570

2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account.

3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org

Be Thou My Vision

I did something last year that really shocked some people (namely, my parents)...I got a tattoo.

The finished product

A zen-like moment of concentrating on not feeling
like needles were going straight into my bones.

In the process.

A pretty cool shot of the tatt in action.

But it has become something that has meant a lot to me and has also become a daily reminder of why I do what I do and is an encouragement when things get tough. It is also a reminder for me to be the most authentic Christian I can possibly be for one particular reason: you better not be a hypocrite when you have the cross permanently inked onto your body!

I chose to get "Be Thou My Vision" because it is one of my favorite hymns, and a pretty common one, too. I know I definitely had heard of it before I ever entertained the idea of accepting Christ. I also find that different lines of the lyrics speak to me at different times depending on what I'm struggling with at the moment.

Here are the words:

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

naught be all else to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,

I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;

Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;

Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:

Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Thou mine inheritance now and always;

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

I think that right now and for the past few months, the words that have been hitting me the hardest would probably be, "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise" and "thou and thou only first in my heart." I find that I sometimes feel a deep desire for human validation when I should be receiving that from God. What lines speak to you?

I'll leave you with one of my favorite versions of the song, one done by Pedro the Lion, one of my favorite bands.

Thanks for reading!

Alison

To Donate:

1. Send your checks made out to ECMI-USA with a separate note with my name, Alison Settle on it to this address:            ECMI-USA                                                                              PO Box 181                                                                   West Unity, OH 43570 

 2. Click here, specify me, Alison Settle, and you can donate through your amazon.com account. 

 3. Or for monthly donations via electronic transfer, send a request by email to rebekah.burkholder@ecmi.org